Turkmenistan once had a dictator who banned beards and renamed the month of April after his mother.
Inspirational, is it not?
In that spirit I propose to ban the following:
1. Referring to Paris as Paris, France
As though it could be anywhere else. There is no Paris in Germany for us to get it confused with. Everyone knows that Paris is in France. Anyone who doesn’t is beyond help anyway.
2. Right-handed scissors
Us lefties have had it with your right-handed appliances. From now on, I say let them all be left-handed. We’ll soon see how you like it.
3. Knee-jerk reactions
Anyone who does not pause to think of the consequences of spouting nonsense before opening their mouths ought to be shot – and will be, one day, if I have anything to do with it.
4. Issuing new legislation just for the sake of it
Each new law passed increases the burden on the citizens, who have to figure out how the new laws apply to them. For this reason, no new laws will be considered unless they have some practical benefit. Laws that were instituted for some nice-sounding reason even though they are completely ineffective shall be skewered (my new favourite word).
5. Pedestrian crossings that are on one side of the road only
If I want to cross the road, why should I have to cross more sides of it than I have to, just to keep drivers happy? Sheesh.
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July 4, 2007 at 2:24 am
Cobwebs
[1. Referring to Paris as Paris, France
As though it could be anywhere else.]
It could be Paris, Texas, oh insular one. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paris_Texas)
I’m sure that the French version is better-known internationally, but the States actually do have a reason to make a distinction.
I’m totally with you on the left-handed scissors, though.
July 4, 2007 at 9:48 am
themolk
BAM! Totally got you, there…
…of course, yes, it is extremely wanky to have those that are going to the Paris in France say that “I’m going to Paris, France”. Jerks.
Of course they could be going to Paris, Hilton, but that’s a whole other thing…
July 4, 2007 at 12:58 pm
benjamin
Is a post on a blog where I have nothing to say considered as a knee jerk reaction?
July 4, 2007 at 1:03 pm
markk
Towns with the same name as large cities are relatively common, so we have Melbourne, Florida and Paris, Texas. Still, Canada has its Sydney just as Australia has its Toronto. (The Canadian Sydney may not have a harbour but it does have the Sydney Tar Ponds. Woohoo!)
But since Paris, Texas is a town of only 50,000 or so according to that Wikipedia article, most people would assume Paris, France when you say Paris, even in the U.S. surely. Except for Texans, of course. I’ll steer clear of Paris Hilton jokes here
Now excuse me while I head to Brighton for a cuppa (Brighton in Melbourne that is.)
July 4, 2007 at 1:05 pm
markk
Only if you become very heated at something I said because you thought I said something completely different, benjamin.
Got a good laugh out of your comment, though.
July 5, 2007 at 2:13 am
Lloyd Budd
Canada has more than one Sydney, and at least the other one has a harbor
http://www.sidneybc.com/
July 5, 2007 at 4:26 am
Baseball Investor
i would ban any news program that reports on paris hilton. or maybe, a public flogging of the new caster would do the trick.
July 5, 2007 at 9:11 pm
markk
We have definitely had enough Paris Hilton news, for sure. Although after seeing her release on TV, I reckon she looks better without all the makeup that she normally wears. Much better, in fact. Anyone out there think the same?
Sidney with an “i”. That’s tricky.
July 5, 2007 at 11:47 pm
Robert Hruzek
1. As a Texan from Texas, I can tell you it’s sometimes important to make the distinction. After all, Paris, Texas also has an eiffel tower now! ‘Course, the 3/4 scale on in Vegas is still a bit bigger…
2. So that’s what the problem is!
3. Thank goodness that never happens to me! Oops…
4. I’m with ya on this one! (Also with the word ’skewered’.)
5. Go ahead… make my day…. cross anywhere you like!
July 6, 2007 at 12:02 am
markk
Aha, a Texan from Texas! As opposed to those Parisian Texans, I presume
Robert, please warn me if you ever intend on driving in my area.
I’m not surprised that Paris, Texas has an Eiffel Tower, nor that it’s a lot smaller than the real one. Doesn’t bother me; I have a fondness for tacky tourist attractions.
On that note, did you know that Wodonga has the world’s largest rolling pin? What a claim to fame. You can view it here:
http://www.wilmap.com.au/bigstuff/default.htm
July 11, 2007 at 9:37 am
J
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July 22, 2007 at 9:32 pm
Ju Vy
stumbled across your blog and had to laugh… I’m an ex Texan living in Wodonga!!!!! lol
Yes… I see that rolling pin a lot…. it’s got a really good bakery under it!
Juvy
July 23, 2007 at 6:40 pm
markk
Ex-Texans in Wodonga! Top stuff.
I’ve heard that the rolling pin used to be advertised as the biggest in the southern hemisphere. Now its apparently the biggest in the world. Does this mean that there used to be a massive rolling pin in Siberia or Texas or somewhere that has since been destroyed?
Not sure about that, myself.
July 23, 2007 at 8:10 pm
Property in France
I agree, it should be referred to as “Paris” not “Paris, France”. If you want to talk about a Paris that’s somewhere else, then you should specify! Lets be efficient with our words here
July 23, 2007 at 8:56 pm
markk
Good stuff, Property in France. When you agree with me, you’re on the right track.