August 2007

My brother is behind such endeavours as Save The Mexican Wave (which earned a mention in Wikipedia), Newton Clothiers and Jonk’s Bargains. You’d think, with those projects behind him, blogging would be a cinch. Unfortunately not.

For starters, he is lazy. In a recent post (since updated), he didn’t even bother posting a link to what he was posting about, instead telling his readers to “Google it”. That is the peak of blogging laziness.

More recently, he stated he can’t figure out how to make archive pages work on his blog, which is a Wordpress blog. His problem? The theme his blog uses is not compatible with widgets. But that isn’t the half of it.

He told me, “I can’t figure out how to do an About page”. You already have an about page, I inform him. “What!? Where?” is his astonished response. So I showed him.

Exercise for the reader: go to the front page of his blog and see if you can find the About page. No, it’s still in the same place it was before.

“But how do I make a page?” Simple, dear boy. Hit the Write button and – “but I already know how to do that” (he says as Wordpress loads a blank post) – there’s a Write Page button right there!

“Oooooh.”

The silly sod can’t manage plugins, themes or anything else. I’ll be helping him out though. So far, I’ve upgraded him to Wordpress version 2.2 (with the Automatic Upgrade plugin), plus I’ve installed the One Click Installer (the plugin that installs plugins!) (Not a joke.) (Really.)

Good thing his content is often interesting. Check out the posts on the Christian candidate for the Greens party, Are we all just Sims characters in a giant simulation?, What are you number one for? and Internet marketing scams.

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You may have noticed I am not blogging quite so often as of late. The reason why is simple: my new job.

My new job is quite different to the old one. No waking up at 4am, no stinky co-workers, and the fact that I actually have to work at work. (As opposed to doing 10 minutes of work in a seven hour shift. I was well paid for it, too.)

I quite like my new job, but it means I can’t have a post up every day like I used to. Still, I should manage around three posts a week. That ain’t too bad.

RSS readers click here to watch the videos.

Walt Disney made this cartoon, “What Makes A Nazi?”:

On a less serious note, “The Ducktators” from Warner Brothers:

I found this amusing, but the real reason for posting it is to test this blog’s YouTube capabilities.

I recently had a discussion with a work colleague that went something like the following:

Him: “The Government is planning on reducing childhood obesity by giving schoolkids free fruit on Fridays. What they really need is exercise, though.”

Me: “Didn’t the Hitler Youth do that?”

“What, give kids free fruit?”

“No, make them exercise.”

I had managed to tie in childhood obesity prevention programs with Hitler. A proud moment for me, if I do say so myself.

Is it possible to tie any topic of conversation with Hitler? Godwin’s Rule Of Nazi Analogies would suggest so. But there are some topics which would be difficult for this, if not impossible. See if you can connect Hitler to one of these conversation topics:

1. The upcoming Australian federal election
2. Global warming
3. The upcoming presidential primaries in the States
4. Britney Spears shaving her head
5. Pet Fashion Week held in New York

This remarkably similar post may provide inspiration.

My friend went for his drivers licence test almost a year ago, only to be turned down after the eye test. He didn’t get past the second line. After that, they wouldn’t let him near a car. He told no one.

He thought his eyesight was fine, and they were being too strict with him on the test. Still, he thought it might be a good idea to get an eye test. Eventually. He didn’t want to wear glasses, after all; it would cramp his style.

A few days ago, I got The Call. “Come and see me, I have something to show you”. Okay then.

Turns out that after he finally got his eyes checked, his eyesight was so bad they fast-tracked the process so he could get his glasses as soon as possible. Two days, as opposed to two weeks.

Without glasses, his eyesight is atrocious. We tested it on our way to meet friends. On our way past a petrol station, he read the price as 116. It was actually 123.7. I would read street signs. He couldn’t even see the streets. People would appear as a blur. He couldn’t see any detail.

He had thought his eyesight was like everyone else’s. Among other things, he had driven a car, worked as an accountant (he would sit inches from the screen) and played professional tennis.

With glasses, he told me, “You look younger than I thought you did.” He saw a girl we knew, and exclaimed “She looks like THAT!?”

Everything he sees looks different now, including familiar places, family and friends. I told him, “You’ll get home tonight, and your mum will look different. Your brother will look different. Your house will look different.”

Just like Neo in The Matrix, he has been plunged into the Real World, a world that he never even knew existed.

I recently left a comment about Chamberlain at CultureWatch. The following is the expanded edition.

Chamberlain has been harshly judged by history. Time after time, his appeasement policy is derided as foolish. Had war on Hitler been declared earlier, so the reasoning goes, the war would have been over much quicker, with fewer casualties and no Holocaust. But such are the benefits of hindsight. Was an earlier declaration of war feasible, and would it have achieved these results?

The normal reason given for Chamberlain’s appeasement policy is a desire to avoid a repeat of the Great War. It is true that Britain was very much keen to avoid war because of the carnage of the First World War. But there were other reasons for their inaction.

One is the harshness of the Versailles treaty. The punitive measures outlined in that treaty were seen as overly unfair and harsh, as indeed they were. Germany had its territory greatly reduced and had to pay crippling reparations. The first aggressive actions of Nazi Germany, namely rearmament, the sending of troops into the Rhineland and the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland, were thus seen by many as righting the wrongs of the Versailles treaty, and no good cause for a war. In the case of Austria, it was widely known that most Austrians supported the unification of Austria and Germany.

It was only after Germany broke the terms of the Munich agreement by swallowing Czechoslovakia that popular opinion in Britain turned against them. Before that point, the public did not perceive any just cause for a war. They did not see much wrong with Germany was doing.

Also, Britain simply didn’t have the economic capacity to wage war. During Hitler’s rise Britain and France were still in the midst of the Great Depression. Thus their economic ability to wage war was greatly diminished. It is no wonder they were reluctant to wage war under those conditions. Indeed, the British government almost went bankrupt under the economic strains of the war, and certainly would have if not for the United States.

Britain never had the capacity to fight alone. In a war against Germany, France would have to supply the bulk of the manpower and equipment, while undertaking most of the risk. The assistance of the United States was also required. Were these nations willing to wage war? On the contrary, both were far more reluctant to wage war than Britain was.

Under such circumstances, starting a war would have been foolhardy in the extreme, but preparing for war was very necessary. Public perception seems to be that Britain did very little in this regard. Far from doing nothing, Britain invested a lot in rearming during the ’30s. This included the development of radar, which proved so crucial in the Battle of Britain.

In my recent post about Melbourne oddities I somehow missed the Swanston/ La Trobe Traffic Light Of Death:

The Abominable Traffic Signal, right in the heart of the city, attempts to give due consideration to cyclists, pedestrians (1,000,000,000 approx.) and trams (on both streets) as well as cars. Not to mention that Swanston St is closed to most traffic between 7am and 7pm, but only on one side of this intersection.

If your city features anything similar or worse, we’d love to hear about it.

Speaking of oddities, Benjamin at Hello Internet has a YouTube post up about weird and wonderful things in Perth that is worth your viewing. This is, of course, due to me tagging him earlier. Go memes!

(Photo from here.)

Now, at Five Word Coffee Shop Reviews there are at present more than 250 reviews of cafes and coffee shops. Occasionally, these coffee shops will change management, hire new people, or do something else to change the quality of their coffee, and most of the time I don’t hear about it.

Case #1: Mozart’s at Gymea

This place had originally received a middling review, but I received an email plea from the owner, telling me that he had made vast improvements to the place, and could I revisit and check it out?

Why certainly, Mozart. (Not his real name, by the way.)

I had two of my trained monkeys go and check out the place and report back to me. Both of them liked the coffee and would recommend it, although one of them said it was too strong – after he had ordered it strong! Go figure.

Like me, he almost always orders it strong, and like me, he only started doing that to avoid getting weak coffee in not-so-good cafes. That leaves one open to getting coffee stronger than one wants.

So Mozart’s is now officially classified as Good. I’ll update the review to reflect that.

Case #2: Buenta in Frankston

I used to go here occasionally for breakfast with my parents. The food was well-done and the coffee decent, so when I recently found a job in Frankston it was only natural that I would return.

I ordered strong. Strong, I tell you. (Sense a theme in this post?) When I got it, was it strong? No. Nor was it normal strength. It was weak. Weak! The taste was of frothed-up warm milk with barely a hint of coffee.

Others in the office told me they didn’t like the coffee there either.

I won’t be returning.

Hello all. I am writing this from an Internet cafe in beautiful Zaporizhzhya. What? You’ve never heard of Zaporizhzhya? All I can say is – you are missing out on one of the best mid-sized industrial cities on the Dnieper River. But what with me being filthy rich and all, I get to travel to fascinating places like this practically all the time; some of them even more interesting than Zaporizhzhya, if that’s possible. But what have I learned from it all?

#1: Some Parts Of The World Are Yet To Appreciate The Bean

The coffee bean, that is. I was in Brjánslækur the other week and struggled to in vain to find somewhere that did a decent ristretto in the area. Hard to believe, isn’t it?

#2: Stereotypes Suck

In some third world countries, as soon as they see a foreigner they assume that person has money coming out of their ears. Now, just because that is true in my case hardly means they can go about making assumptions like that. Doesn’t it?

In any case, I still remember the times when I didn’t have quite so much dosh as now. I know the value of money and am hardly about to throw it away. After all, why pay 5 zlotys for a quarter strength soy mocha with 4 sugars when I can bargain down to 4.75?

#3: Being Exceedingly Rich, Travelling The World, Drinking Coffee And Blogging About It Ain’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be

Sometimes, in between the whirlwind of memorable experiences and non-stop fun that this lifestyle brings, I do experience a moment or two of regret that I’m not doing something different with my life. It passes, though.

Still, would my life have more meaning if I put down roots somewhere? Settled down? Found a wife, or, failing that, an unsurpassably brilliant barista?

Who knows. The future is wide open, and I still have my family after all. Now, if only my sister would stop bugging me for loans to pay for her operation.

(This post is an offbeat attempt to use the mystical powers of Robert Hruzek’s group writing projects (latest topic: What I Learned From Vacation) to my own advantage. Should this work, I’ll write a book like The Secret and make loads of money out of it. You have been warned …)

I have a new job. Yay for that.

I lost my last job a couple of months ago, just a few days after writing What I Learned From Unemployment for one of Robert Hruzek’s group writing projects. What timing! I think I’ll title the next one What I Learned From Becoming Exceedingly Rich, Travelling The World, Drinking Coffee And Blogging About It.

If you wish to experience the same effects on your life, why not write something for the latest round, What I Learned From Vacation?

I’d write an entry myself, but I’m too scared.