I swear I heard a voice coming from that tombstone

Pete has alerted me to a bizarre product you can buy, provided that you live in the United States.

It is … a talking tombstone!

Quite simply, this is an ordinary tombstone with an inbuilt speaker, a tape player and infrared. Anyone who walks close to your grave and crosses the beam hears a recorded message.

I might also mention there is a video version available.

The intended use of this is probably something asinine along the lines of “Hi! I’m Peter Aldin. You might remember me from such blogs as Great Circle and Freaked-Out Fathers. Welcome to my grave …”

Of course, something like this demands other uses be thought of. I present to you “Five Worst Uses of a Talking Tombstone”:

1. “Hi, this is Peter Aldin. I’m not here right now, but you can leave a message after the beep, and I’ll get straight back to you …”
2. “John? John, is that you?”
3. “Hi and welcome to my grave. This gravesite is sponsored by Talking Tombstones, the only company that allows you to communicate from beyond the grave …”
4. “Hi, I’m Peter Aldin and I’m dead. One day you’ll be dead too. Repent of your sins before it’s too late!”
5. “Heeeeelp. Help me. Heeeeeelp … “

Can you think of any others?