Family & Friends

As previously noted two of my brothers are currently on a four week tour of Mongolia, China and Hong Kong. Going to Mongolia had been a goal of theirs for four years. As for China and Hong Kong, they were in the area.

The following are some highlights of their trip.

Hong Kong:

We have seen lots of cool things, HK is an amazing city especially so at night! I was saying to Pete, it must be one of the greatest after dark cities in the world if not the greatest, I can’t personally imagine any city still pumping like crazy and looking so awesome after night. (Bangkok doesnt even come close)

China:

There’s lots of ads trying to train Beijingers to have good manners in time for the Olympics - like not hocking up heaps of phlegm and spitting it anywhere, standing on one side of the escalator so people can pass and queuing up for things.

That last one has been very interesting indeed. They do not like queuing. They HATE queuing! I was just about to buy tickets for one attraction and this woman literally grabbed me and pulled me back and went ahead and bought a ticket.

Mongolia:

The first thing we did after checking into our hostel was to check out the main square- Sukhbaatar Square. Well it’s a square I can guarantee you that. The city only has 1 million people, but it’s pretty crazy. They drive on the right hand side. most of the time. It’s also not a very pretty city- Soviet architecture mixed with a nice shade of dirt.

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On the way we even saw some reindeer! And drank some reindeer milk tea. I’m really adding quite a lot of animals to my list of things eaten/drunk.

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Our last ger camp was on the edge of the Gobi desert so we were able to see a bit of different scenery. On the way there though we passed by Khakhorum and a large monastery (Erdene Zuu for those interested) and saw a Buddhist statue in the shape of a penis. Yes, you read that right. Apparently it has spiritual significance.

My friend Trent once sent me a link to House Gymnastics. House gymnastics is defined as a “cross breed of yoga, breakdancing, climbing and gymnastics in a domestic setting”. Since that definition doesn’t make any sense, perhaps some pics will make it clearer.

First of all, the Kitchen Breakfast Bar:

Next, the Snake Door:

I’m sure you all get it now. Anyway, I pretty much ignored the site, until I found my brothers had followed the link and were making moves of their own! Next thing I knew, they had achieved “Move Of The Month” status with the Double Storey Bridge:

Shortly after this, they got national coverage throughout Australia of their escapades through an interview on Triple J radio!

The moral of this story? None really; I just thought it was cool.

A little while ago, I wrote a post called My dad’s underpants. Late on, there was another called My brother’s underpants. This being the Internet, both posts were wildly popular, so it is only natural that I should do another one about my sister’s underpants.

But what do I write about? I have never taken much interest in her underpants. I mean, this is my sister we’re talking about.

I could, I suppose, call her and ask her to send me a pair. I can imagine the conversation now:

“Hey do you have a spare pair of underpants you can send me?”

“Er – why?”

“Well … you know …”

The other thing I could do is tell some tangentially related family anecdotes. But I can’t think of any that are a) tangentially related to sister underpants and b) suitable for public discourse.

About the only thing I can tell you is that because she belongs to the family she’s in, she is in the habit of wearing underwear until it quite literally falls apart. It’s an old family tradition.

I suspect the word “underpants” only applies to male underwear anyway.

My friend Mark recently wrote a very trippy post on his blog; something to do with Starbucks, apparently. It almost defies explanation, but I thought I’d give it a go.

Starbucks

I detect a tale of woe coming.

Pressure…
What?

Too much…
Is it?

Yes, it is, what with Starbucks’ outlandish sizes and high prices. Very stressful.

What IS?

That depends on what the definition of “is” is.

FOCUS [x7?]
Trying.

Hang in there, mate.

God?

Starbucks makes one cry out to God for help. We’ve all been there, Mark. We’ve all been there. We feel your pain.

Two eyes . . . two tears

breathe

Ah, good. The panic subsides. Starbucks will not claim another victim!

reach out.

The twelfth step.

—
Gloria Jeans

“This is me.”

”     “

I think he’s completely lost his mind by this point.

… continue

Join us for the next instalment on Mark’s epic quest to find good coffee. Or to throw Starbucks into the fires of Mount Doom. Or something.

What would you think if you got a party invitation like this:

Classy, isn’t it? It’s just one of 110 party invitations my brothers did for the occasion of their 21st. Each one features a different item of clothing. Must have taken them ages to produce.

Here’s a couple of others (click to view):

I got the one with the shoe.

So there we were at a family picnic last Saturday, at the most obscure picnic area in the Dandenongs that we could find, eating ham, tomato and cheese rolls. I managed to get flour on myself, so brother Peter suggested that he take a photo with his snazzy new digital camera. I was resistant to this idea, but as Peter got ready, Matthew, another brother, decided at this moment to wipe his roll on my face, leaving more flour there.

Do you think I was going to let such a invasion of my person go unanswered? Indeed, I did not, could not. Retaliation was in order. I fought back. Using my half-eaten roll as a weapon, I struck out at his face and hair, wiping cheese, tomato, margarine and flour anywhere I could get it. He did likewise.

I like to think I came off the better from this encounter. Mat had tomato, cheese and margarine in his hair afterwards. I was merely coated with flour.

Did I mention Peter had a snazzy new digital camera? All the better to record your food fights with, my dear. As follows:

My only regret is that sister Sarah didn’t join in.

I recently discovered a friend of mine has a blog; Trent’s fiancé, Shawna (is that how it’s spelled???); at eiin.blogspot.com. For those of you who know Trent or Shawna it’s an interesting read, including pics of Trent in a Chinaman hat and fake plaids, and Shawna in a Singapore air hostess uniform. Also has loads of pictures of food. Trent you are a nutbar!!

BREAKING NEWS: Darwin defeats Jesus in some sort of contest.

VAMPIRE UPDATE: Get yourself a vampire hunting kit, and read about the population distribution of vampires while you’re there.

(The following is my best recollection of the speech I made at the 21st of my twin brothers Ben and Peter a week ago. Their 21st was very cool, I have to say, and given that they are the youngest in the family, it was also the last 21st; the end of an era.)

Hi everyone. I think that some of you have been getting the wrong idea of what it was like to grow up in our family. It has been different to what most of you think; for example, there was more violence. I’m going to give you some examples of this violence; examples that help illustrate how Peter and Ben became the people they are today.

First, Ben, just like in real life. Ben used to get really angry quite often, particularly when he was playing games on the computer. For example, he might have been playing PacMan and the ghost would get him, and he’d get really angry; and the thing is, it was never his fault. It was always the keyboard got stuck, or the mouse didn’t work properly, or the computer would freeze; it was never the case that Ben made a mistake, it was always the computer.

When Ben got angry, he would hit the computer or hit the desk, and make a really loud noise; then we would say “Ben, you’re not supposed to take your anger out on the computer”. So, in order to make less noise and not attract anyone’s attention, Ben – I only found out about this recently – would hit himself instead of the computer.

So he would get annoyed with the computer, but instead of hitting the computer he would hit himself. Isn’t it eerily appropriate that he became an art student?

Next, Peter. I have a scar on my left wrist – can you see that (demonstrates scar to nearby girl, but she can’t see it) – well it’s there. The scar exists and Peter was involved. This happened about nine years ago now. I was on the computer – so again the computer is involved – and the computer was near the door to the kitchen and Peter was opening and closing the door repeatedly. I found that annoying so I decided to put a stop to it. Now, the door has a wooden frame and glass in the middle, and because I am an exceptionally smart person, I thought – well, I didn’t think, really – I thought I would reach out with my arm and stop him by pushing against the glass rather than the wooden frame – and I fell right through the door.

So I fell through the door, and my left wrist got cut open, there was blood all over the floor, mixed with glass, and the glass was red from the blood, and there was bits of arm flesh mixed with the blood, and I said “Call an ambulance!” and I was taken to hospital.

That was the first time Peter got to cut someone open, and he was so inspired by this, that he decided to become a doctor, and that’s why Peter is a medical student.

However, despite all these things, despite Ben hitting himself and Peter cutting me open – I still (looks at them) love you. So yeah. Happy 21st birthday.

I had taken my roommate’s wet washing out of the washing machine and put it in the laundry basket. Shortly afterwards:

“You know those underpants of yours that you left in the laundry basket? They stunk out my washing!”

“Those aren’t my underpants. They must be yours.”

“They aren’t mine.”

“My parents were down recently. Maybe they’re my dad’s.”

“No, these have been there for weeks. Sure they’re not yours?”

“Definitely not.”

“I put my washing out on the line and it all stunk!”

“You probably just left the washing for too long before you put it out to dry.”

“No, it wasn’t that type of smell.”

I got myself a paper towel, picked up the underpants and took a cautious sniff.

“They have JAC written on them. Sure they’re not yours?”

“I’m sure!”

“They don’t even smell.”

“Get them wet, then they’ll smell!”

“My parents were down here a few months ago as well. They probably left them here then.”

“That’d be right.”

Thus the mystery was solved. The offending underpants belonged to my dad. They will be isolated and burned.

A few posts ago I commented on some misadventures in my love life. I have now realised where I went wrong. My brother Matthew (of Save The Mexican Wave fame) posted some romance advice on his blog a while back. Here’s the first point:

Tip #1.

Look a women deep in the eyes.. smile.. and say (in your smoothest, most silkiest voice) :

”I like cheese.”

That’s a guarantee for a kiss within 5 minutes. Try it out lads and get back to me.

You may be thinking, “That could be a good idea, but I’m not sure it would actually work”. Oh ye of little faith. Turns out cheese has some special qualities.