Nutbar

Stalin’s humility is well known to readers of this blog. Despite this humility, his subjects would routinely compose fawning poems about him. Stalin found this embarrassing. What’s a dictator to do?

Have them published in the official Party newspaper, of course.

I recently found the following hymns to Stalin, originally published in Pravda during Stalin’s long reign, in Richard Wurmbrand’s book Marx And Satan. Wurmbrand was not a Communist; the book title probably gives that away, I suppose; but since he was extensively tortured by the Communists we can forgive him for that.

The following first appeared in Pravda in 1935:

He commands the sun of the enemies to set.
He spoke, and the East for friends became a great glow.
Should he say that coal turns white,
It will be as Stalin wills …
The master of the entire world – remember – is now Stalin.

This next one appeared a number of years later:

I would have compared him to a white mountain – but the mountain has a summit.
I would have compared him to the depths of the sea – but the sea has a bottom.
I would have compared him to the shining moon – but the moon shines at midnight, not at noon.
I would have compared him to the brilliant sun – but the sun radiates at noon, not at midnight.

And lastly, my personal favourite, from August 1936:

O great Stalin, O leader of the peoples,
Thou who broughtest man to birth,
Thou who purifiest the earth,
Thou who restoreth the centuries,
Thou who makes bloom the Spring,
Thou who makes vibrate the musical chords.
Thou, splendour of my Spring, O Thou
Sun reflected from millions of hearts.

Gotta love the King James language there. I wonder how that translates into Russian?

Imagine the following scenario: You are minding your own business in the middle of a large city, when all of a sudden a terrorist attack takes place. What is the first thing you think of?

It is, of course, “What is the most appropriate mode of transportation for my cat in these circumstances?”

What? It isn’t? Why do you hate animals?

For those of us that don’t hate animals, a roll of the dice has an extended discussion on whether or not you should carry a cat in a pillow case during a terrorist attack, as advised by the NSW Government.

See also The cat’s out of the Go Bag at NineMSN for more information on this very important subject.

Are you angry about something? Take a moment and think about it. What is it that you are angry about? What weapon do you have that you would like to use against whatever you are angry about?

Once you have picked your pet peeve and your weapon, you have enough to complete the following sentence:

I’m so angry about __________, I feel I ought to dig out the __________ and beat the living snot out of them.

Hopefully “them” will refer to things rather than people.

What was your pet peeve? And what was your weapon of choice?

If the pet peeve is mobile phone towers, and your weapon of choice is a tank, you aren’t the only one.

When in China, do as the Chinese do:

Those pictured are my brothers, during their recent trip to China, Mongolia and Hong Kong. One of them has created a website about their experiences. It’s very interesting and has some great photos as well.

UPDATE: The scorpion tasted just like pork crackling, apparently. They couldn’t make out what the snake tasted like as it was smothered in fish sauce.

Thanks to Ironic1, I now know what happens when you cross the Family Circle comic with Nietzsche quotes. Check it out:

Liberalism is the
transformation of mankind
into cattle.

Loads more like that at Nietzsche Family Circus.

According to various commenters at Pharyngula it is quite common to see cupholders on shopping trolleys in the U.S.

That’s just nuts, but that’s the type of thing you learn reading blogs.

Another thing you can learn is that Mickey Mouse has been beaten to death on TV in the Gaza Strip.

Turkmenistan once had a dictator who banned beards and renamed the month of April after his mother.

Inspirational, is it not?

In that spirit I propose to ban the following:

1. Referring to Paris as Paris, France

As though it could be anywhere else. There is no Paris in Germany for us to get it confused with. Everyone knows that Paris is in France. Anyone who doesn’t is beyond help anyway.

2. Right-handed scissors

Us lefties have had it with your right-handed appliances. From now on, I say let them all be left-handed. We’ll soon see how you like it.

3. Knee-jerk reactions

Anyone who does not pause to think of the consequences of spouting nonsense before opening their mouths ought to be shot – and will be, one day, if I have anything to do with it.

4. Issuing new legislation just for the sake of it

Each new law passed increases the burden on the citizens, who have to figure out how the new laws apply to them. For this reason, no new laws will be considered unless they have some practical benefit. Laws that were instituted for some nice-sounding reason even though they are completely ineffective shall be skewered (my new favourite word).

5. Pedestrian crossings that are on one side of the road only

If I want to cross the road, why should I have to cross more sides of it than I have to, just to keep drivers happy? Sheesh.

I don’t recall learning this in school:

(Hat tip to The Worst Generation Ever) 

That show was first made in 1972. The people who watched this in their formative years will be in their 40s now. For goodness sake, stay away from them.

Fire cupping is the name given to a bizarre Chinese medical treatment by which glass cups are attached to one’s back and fire is added. The fire creates a vacuum in the cups, causing suction.

Sounds good if you want your back sucked.

Obligatory Wayne’s World quotes:

• “Well, it sure does suck.”
• “It’s sucking my will to live!”

Now for some pics (from Ben’s Blog). First of all, the glass cups attached to the back:

Next, the aftermath. Guantanamo Bay has nothing on this:

So what are the benefits of the procedure? Apparently, it is believed to cleanse toxins, and provide treatment to diseases such as pneumonia and the common cold.

Ben’s Blog has a long article describing the procedure.

My brothers are travelling through China and Mongolia at the time of writing. I don’t know if they were planning to try fire cupping. I doubt it though; they are wimps.

New Century Politics and I are proud to present Mike Gravel, who is running for next year’s U.S. Presidential Election:

Would Gravel like a slogan for his campaign? May I suggest “Mike Gravel: Man Of Action” or “Mike Gravel: Getting Things Done”.

The official explanation for the video is as follows (from TPMCafe):

We asked Mike Gravel’s press secretary, Alex Colvin, what the point of it is. And Colvin tells us that there’s no single, intrinsic point here at all.

Colvin’s answer: “Where he’s coming from is that, it’s less about him coming across with a heavy political message in this video, as much as it is the message of the impression the viewer will have, looking at him.”

According to Colvin, however, one element of this post-modern work does have a definite message: The part where Gravel picks up the rock and throws it into the pond. Colvin says this has “to do with the work with the campaign, the ripple effect of his campaign, his work as a politican and kind of the feedback we’ve got in South Carolina, in communities all across the country. Our message is rippling across the country. Then he walks off, we go on.”

Dude, that’s like, deep.