Science

The latest from the world of science: time might not exist. That is to say, time was maybe will be not existing. Or perhaps, time does not yet exist, but will in the future, unless it did in the past. Or both. Or neither.

Or perhaps time exists for some things but not for others. My head hurts just thinking about that.

Also: reasons why time does not run backwards, there are not.

So it could, perhaps, start running backwards at any time. Unless it has already been about to.

If time was running backwards, would we know it was running backwards? That is the question.

Cognitive Daily and I present to you the following:

What is it? Quite simple really: it is a scientific paper entitled “Interaction of stellar wind with diffuse nebulae,” by S.B. Pikel’ner, first published in 1968. However, it is also an art exhibition on display at the Georges Pompidou Center in Paris.

So what is it? Is it art? Is it science? Is it both or is it neither?

Or is it just wank?

Tell me you’re not at least a little disturbed by the following:

#1: Cat-O-Vision
A team of scientists hacked into a cat’s brain and created a video of what the cat was seeing.

#2: We Have Ways Of Making You Purr
Restricting sleep to two hours a night, enforced by use of a treadmill. Sounds like a Guantanamo Bay interrogation technique, does it not? No, this is science. You’ll be pleased to know that restricting sleep results in a greater proportion of REM sleep in cats.

#3: Cats In Spaaaace
How do cats react to zero gravity? Do they handle it better than dogs? This is the scientific question of our times and only now has it been answered.

#4: I’m Not Hungry. (Bzzt.) Actually, I Am.
Scientists obtained complete control over a cat’s mind. By remote control, they could make the cat hungry, thirsty, or itchy, or even make it more aggressive or affectionate. Note that they did not force the cat to eat; they only made it desire to eat.

#5: Just Gimme One More Bowl
Do cats prefer spiked milk to ordinary milk? Only science could provide the answer. A series of experiments was performed that subjected cats to extreme stress until they became alcoholics, or masochistic, deliberately exposing themselves to repeated electric shocks.

BONUS: The Scratching Post Is Melting
Giving LSD to cats. Does this qualify as science? Discuss.

(This post is at least partly inspired by the Top 5 Group Writing Project at ProBlogger.)

This cannot be real - a parrot that communicates in English. According to the BBC, N’kisi the parrot has a vocabulary of 950 words, uses grammar correctly and has a sense of humour.

From the article:

When he first met Dr Jane Goodall, the renowned chimpanzee expert, after seeing her in a picture with apes, N’kisi said: “Got a chimp?”

He appears to fancy himself as a humourist. When another parrot hung upside down from its perch, he commented: “You got to put this bird on the camera.”

This raises a lot of questions. How many parrots are there like N’kisi? Are they plotting against us? Do they have blogs? How would you tell if a blog was written by a parrot?

A couple of questions for those of you who have blogs:

1. Are you a parrot?
2. Are you in league with parrots?

Nominate blogs that are likely to be written by parrots by leaving a comment.

This sounds too good to be true, but you don’t actually need to do exercise in order to get the benefits of exercise. All you need to do is convince yourself that what you do for a living is exercise!

Given what I do for a living, this could be difficult.

From the “Future Echoes” episode of Red Dwarf: 

RIMMER: Lister, it *has* happened. You can’t change it, any more than
  you can change what you had for breakfast yesterday.
LISTER: Hey, it hasn’t happened, has it? It has “will have going to have
  happened” happened, but it hasn’t actually “happened” happened yet,
  actually.
RIMMER: Poppycock! It will be happened; it shall be going to be
  happening; it will be was an event that could will have been taken
  place in the future. Simple as that. Your bucket’s been kicked, baby.

Now then: Science hopes to change events that have already occurred.

Cognitive Daily has a funny and useful post entitled How NOT to write a science book. Recommended reading for anyone who plans on writing a science book or any other type of book, or an article, a blog or delivering a lecture or sermon.

The first point is as follows:

Use lots of anecdotes. A good writer should tell a story, right? Keeping a thread of a plot will help perk up a reader’s interest through dense scientific information. Even better, you might think: string together thirty or forty unrelated stories per chapter, each making the exact same point. Your readers are stupid, so you must repeatedly pummel them with the same information over and over again, in nonscientific anecdotal fashion. After all, who would read a science book to get scientific information? Not your readers, that’s for sure. This tactic also shows off the important scientific goal of demonstrating that you have lots of friends who are willing to tell you stories that you can then write about in your books.

In other words, keep it relevant and don’t repeat yourself.

There’s more where that came from, so go and read it now!

Featuring loads of stuff I’ve been meaning to link to, but never have.

ADVICE YOU OUGHT TO FOLLOW: Drinking seawater or moronic acid is a bad idea.

DUDE: Types of sharks that sound like heavy metal band names.

300 < 666: The movie 300 is actually about creation vs. evolution, says atheist blogger PZ Myers.

IT’S 1984 ALL OVER AGAIN: There are 28 CCTV cameras within 200 yards of George Orwell’s house.

I’LL PASS: The world’s ugliest clothes are also the most expensive.

HO HO HO: Khrushchev sends a Christmas letter.

THE DESTROYINATOR: Don’t throw pearls before swine, or mobile phones before parrots.

WHY DID THE CAT CATCH THE BUS?: To get some fish and chips.

As we all know, science has been chained by the patriarchy for far too long, producing knowledge that serves only to enforce the existing gender hierarchies.

For example, a book called The Female Brain has been released. No doubt it’s a very short book (that is, if it was written by a man), but here is an excerpt:

It’s true that the female brain shrinks by about 8% during pregnancy. That’s the bad news, but the good news is that it recovers about six to 12 months afterwards to create large maternal circuits

“Maternal circuits.” Sheesh.

Also, check out the disgraceful patriarchal language in the following passage by Luboš Motl:

Recall that F-theory where F stands for “father” or “vaFa” (the father of F-theory) is a formal description of vacua of 10-dimensional type IIB string theory with a non-constant dilaton-axion in terms of a 12-dimensional geometry whose two dimensions are compactified on a two-torus whose complex structure corresponds to the dilaton-axion complex field of type IIB string theory.

But it gets worse. Much worse:

Just like type IIA string theory is interpreted as M(other)-theory on a circle, type IIB string theory is interpreted as F(ather)-theory on a two-torus. Both male and female feminists should notice that M-theory and F-theory are not equivalent in any way. They have, in fact, a different number of dimensions and play different roles in the structure of string theory.

Oh, so M-theory and F-theory are “not equivalent” and “play different roles”, hmm? We’ll see about that, Mr. Patriarchal Oppressor.

Thankfully, in the face of such outrage, we have Quantum Feminism:

Quantum space in hypertexts is shaped as an irreducible knot, an entangled equation both in and out of space-time, spanning all dimensions as a node in a mnemonic system. Wanderlust is the engine driving the browser on her quest through the intricately knotted interplay of time and space in these electronic ecosystems. What the browser finds there is rapture–an emergent state of embodied transformation in the experiential realm. What she acquires is not mastery, but agency, and an aesthetic interval of her own.

I could hardly have said it better myself. Rapture indeed.

Yes, you. And quite frankly, I think you’ve had it coming. You’ve been emitting toxic fumes for far too long.

“Me? Emitting toxic fumes?” Don’t play innocent with us. You no doubt are aware that carbon dioxide is killing the Earth via global warming? Yet there you are, thoughtlessly breathing it out. How could you be so selfish?

Therefore, you are now ordered by the United States Supreme Court to cease and desist from the following activities:

• respiration, breathing
• combustion
• fire
• using electrical devices (electricity is fire by the law)
• fermentation, production of alcoholic drinks

These, and all other activities that emit the air pollutant carbon dioxide into our atmosphere are now forbidden by law.