Things that are coming to KILL US ALL!!!!

Imagine the following scenario: You are minding your own business in the middle of a large city, when all of a sudden a terrorist attack takes place. What is the first thing you think of?

It is, of course, “What is the most appropriate mode of transportation for my cat in these circumstances?”

What? It isn’t? Why do you hate animals?

For those of us that don’t hate animals, a roll of the dice has an extended discussion on whether or not you should carry a cat in a pillow case during a terrorist attack, as advised by the NSW Government.

See also The cat’s out of the Go Bag at NineMSN for more information on this very important subject.

Says me and Ironic1. Why? Because the android children are Zogg, and Zogg plans to exterminate us all.

Thankfully a brave soul has leaked a copy of the book of Zogg to alert us all to the Truth. Thus, in full colour, we learn the following:

And this:

If you see children doing un-childlike things such as staring into space or drinking coffee, beware! They could well be Zogg.

If anyone out there has spotted any Zogglings, let us know.

Yesterday (June 18th) was International Panic Day and I didn’t even know about it!

Why someone declared an international holiday for people to be scared of an oncoming catastrophe I do not know, but I’ll be sure to write it in on next year’s calendar.

However due to the magic of time zones, it might still be June 18 where you live. If it is, then HEAD FOR THE HILLS!!

The rest of us will be enjoying World Sauntering Day.

No word yet on what it wants, or if it has taken hostages.

(Hat-tip to The Reference Frame.)

Giant squid have been greatly increasing in numbers. They are eight feet long, and have been travelling up and down our coastlines, attacking people with their enormous tooth-lined tentacles. They have, it is said, an insatiable appetite for human flesh.

Okay, so the “evil” bit is yet to be confirmed, and “of doom” might be slightly exaggerated, but a hexagon on Saturn there is - and it’s 15,000 miles across!

It’s been there since the time of the Cold War. Draw your own conclusions.

The stockmarket blog Charting Stocks predicted a 2007 crash in the American stockmarket a few months ago and more recently proclaimed that a bear market had begun.

I hardly need to point out the ongoing effects an American crash would have throughout the world.

Charting Stocks backed this up by examining several trends that often appear before the onset of a crash. One of them was – get this – media optimism.

The more optimistic the media is about the economy, the more likely it is that the economy is about to tank.

What do you make of that?

“Below the thunders of the upper deep;
 Far far beneath in the abysmal sea,
 His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep
 The Kraken sleepeth: faintest sunlights flee
 About his shadowy sides; above him swell
 Huge sponges of millennial growth and height;
 And far away into the sickly light,
 From many a wondrous grot and secret cell
 Unnumber’d and enormous polypi
 Winnow with giant arms the slumbering green.
 There hath he lain for ages, and will lie
 Battening upon huge seaworms in his sleep,
 Until the latter fire shall heat the deep;
 Then once by man and angels to be seen,
 In roaring he shall rise and on the surface die.”

Yesterday I blogged about evil blog promotion ideas, and I mentioned breeding enormous cats. Well, dear reader, there is no reason to breed them; they’re breeding themselves and there is no way to stop them! Australia now has feral cats the size of leopards. Soon they will be the size of buildings, perhaps even of skyscrapers! What will stop them from taking over our cities?

KILLER ASTEROID UPDATE: NASA would love to track possible killer asteroids, but it has run out of cash.

PURE EVIL UPDATE: Matthew Newton wants employers to treat their employees like dogs.

HYBRIDIZATION EXPERIMENTS UPDATE: Scientists have successfully cross-bred humans with squid.

From wasabi. That’s right, wasabi has turned evil and tried to take over the space station. I’ve been trying to warn people about this for years. Fools! Maybe now they’ll take me seriously.

Perhaps they need some holy water to protect them. Blessed by a priest, it’s only 99c a bottle.