Five word coffee shop reviews

I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, every coffee shop will be judged not by its brand name but by the quality of its coffee. To this end, I have instituted the Five Word Coffee Shop Review. One day, I’ll have a five word review of every coffee shop in existence! I’m not quite there yet though, which is where you can help. Submit a review in the comments below and I’ll add it to the list. All coffee shops reviewed are in Melbourne, except for the ones that aren’t.

They are sorted as follows:
· Melbourne and Victoria (164 reviews)
· Sydney and New South Wales (including Albury and Wodonga) (65 reviews)

And the rest, located below:
· Taiwan. (2 reviews)
· Chains and franchises. Starbucks etc. (13 reviews)
· Chocolate cafes. (4 reviews)

* Taiwan:

From Jason:
Coffee Bar, 2nd floor Institute of Molecular Biology (near my office), Taipei
“as good as it gets”

From Jason:
Fisherman’s Wharf, Tamsui township, Taipei
A treat surprises my tastebud.

* Everywhere:

McDonald’s McCafe, everywhere
You gotta be kidding me

Hudson’s Coffee, spreading like gangrene across multiple locations
Why cinnamon instead of chocolate?

Bay Swiss, Southland, Miranda and other places
Yeah baby, yeah yeah yeah
Jon says: Consistently reasonable and good reward scheme.

Starbucks, everywhere
The Antichrist of coffee. Resist

Gloria Jeans, everywhere
GJ at Borders? The end.

La Porchetta’s, Carrum Downs and loads of other places
Possibly world’s most inconsistent coffee

Coffee Club, everywhere
Only chain worth going to

Villa & Hut, Southland, DFO Cheltenham etc
Enjoy a coffee with Buddha

Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, multiple locations including Crown Casino
Enormous lattes. Why? Decent coffee.

Bonbons, somewhere near you
If memory serves correctly, competent

From Jon:
Michels Patisserie, Miranda Westfield.
Not exactly a coffee shop, but they make the most consistent coffee of any chain.

Jamaica Blue, Fountain Gate and other places
I encountered no problems here

Muffin Break, loads of places
Not bad. A tad inconsistent.

* Chocolate cafes

Planet Chocolate, Southland, also Highpoint Maribyrnong
Choc full of chocolately goodness

Theobroma Chocolate Lounge, DFO Spencer St, Melbourne
$5 for an average mocha?

Max Brenner, Melbourne Central, QV, Double Bay etc
Mocha good. Fondue must have!

Koko Black, Chadstone and other places
Top stuff, but very pricey

34 comments

Comments feed for this article

December 27, 2006 at 4:25 am

Markk

Wondering where the other comments went? This page died and I had to recreate it from scratch. I could restore the reviews, but the comments? Gone!

January 2, 2007 at 10:53 am

Timsta

G’Day Markk and all!

Just wanted to say that this whole coffee review idea is a good one….so c’mon all and keep sending all those reviews!

Timsta.

P.s. Minx rules.

January 17, 2007 at 9:12 pm

Paulo

For you Baysiders try Sazio in Black Rock , specially on Sundays when it buzzes , too quiet during the week. Coffee good .

January 17, 2007 at 9:30 pm

Markk

Thanks for that, Paulo. Will do.

February 22, 2007 at 9:50 pm

J Dogg

U love ur coffee

March 23, 2007 at 9:52 pm

ricko

Nice idea but way too many mocha’s mentioned to be credible in my opinion.

March 24, 2007 at 9:09 am

Markk

The mochas are mostly in the Chocolate Cafes section. Mochas are not the best review coffee, but I almost always order a strong latte in any case.

May 4, 2007 at 11:52 am

Ridiculous

Very disappointed and upset.
Im a fan of Quikfix and Allpress Coffee.
The fact that Quikfix uses over 130 kilograms of coffee a week proves that a) either people really do like the coffee….which most likely is the reason why Quikfix receive compliments every time i visit or b) that it is a nice coffee that even the most ignorant of customers would be unable to tell if it was using Arabica or Ethopian pea bean…it really doesnt matter, and The Ritazza bar has a view of concrete with one or two local small carrier planes….Quikfix without the seating area has a view of the entire domestic tarmac with added views that can span almost all the way to the international terminal…Quikfix also employ a vast range of employees, some still in the process of learning and being trained by Allpress….perhaps your coffee was made in a swift manner, by if you believe that the coffee is weak in taste you are wrong or perhaps you just tried a quarter strength soy mocha with 4 sugars to assist you in your critique…or perhaps the workers at Quikfix rejected your request at putting the sugars in for you…..whatever your reasons, perhaps taste again when your tastebuds have fully returned from the burning sensation received from the burnt griphandles of Ritazza Lounge.

May 5, 2007 at 11:34 am

Markk

It is possible that the staff at Quikfix were simply having a bad day when they served the coffee described. It was weak, however. My standard order for reviewing is a strong latte, and I do not add sugar.

However your comment does intrigue me so I’ll give them another chance next time I am at Sydney Airport, which unfortunately is not likely to be soon.

May 5, 2007 at 3:57 pm

Markk

“Ridiculous” does seem to have some insider knowledge, either from being an employee, or a really, really loyal customer.

I’ll add here that I did like Ritazza, and that will not change if I change my mind about Quikfix.

July 26, 2007 at 3:04 pm

markk

Quikfix fans should note I have revised my opinion. See http://myopinionsareimportant.com/2007/06/20/quikfix-revisited/ for details.

August 9, 2007 at 11:56 pm

Coffee Makers

I love coffee so much, and I love this Idea even more, nice one!

August 18, 2007 at 1:23 pm

Lake Atitlan

Crossroads Cafe, Lake Atitlan, Guatemala review:

Knife and fork are needed.

5 words, right?

August 23, 2007 at 12:57 am

Rach

Kerekere, Melbourne University
Delicious takeaway organic fairtrade coffee

August 23, 2007 at 1:02 am

Rach

Sister Bella’s, Sniders Lane (22 Drewery Place), Melbourne
Eclectic atmosphere. Cheap fairtrade coffee.

August 23, 2007 at 7:14 am

markk

Thanks, Rach. I’ll add those to the list.

Lake Atitlan: Sounds interesting, but how is the coffee?

November 5, 2007 at 8:23 am

Barman

Barista-Fleming Place, Melbourne.

Good coffee, bad service.

December 3, 2007 at 8:16 pm

Melissa

Caffe Nero Blackpool, UK.
Tasty, refreshing, vitalising, expert coffee.

January 24, 2008 at 9:05 am

Ibanez guitar Blog

Funny but take it easy on Starbucks. It’s not that bad…